The Hollywood Bowles

I’m loathe the criticize my brethren in the legit .media, given the weeks of late we’ve had:  Jamal Khashoggi’s assassination, the CNN mail bomb attempt, Trump’s revocation of press credentials of any reporter who is multi-syllabic.

But I gotta say, press guys, come on. Don’t give into the retardation. Namely: please give us respite from our latest tired cliches: “Words matter” and “constitutional crisis.”

The first is a no-brainer, made popular among the 24/7s with Chris Cuomo’s attempt to make himself a catch phrase phrase. Now his colleagues are citing it, and I even heard an MSNBC anchor use it after a particularly vitriolic Trump speech.

What a bullshit term. That’s like saying “goodness is good.” Of course words matter. They make up your favorite book. Your favorite movie, TV show and song, too. How about something more, perhaps, specific, like “he’s grossly overstating the numbers,” or “that’s not in keeping with a speech he gave yesterday” or even “That’s simply not true.” You know, context. They beat platitudes like a rented mule.

The second nascent trope is “Constitutional crisis.” This is more nuanced, but no less confounding. Worse, not only are journalists dropping it like an 8-year-old with a new curse word; they’re allowing politicians from both parties to use it as an escape hatch from tough questioning. Top GOP leaders, in particular, love to prattle on that, for instance, Trump’s ending of the Mueller probe would pose an unacceptable “Constitutional crisis.”

What the fuck does that mean? That Trump is suffocating the Constitution with a pillow? That he’s holding the only copy, with a lit match inches away? This part is just journalistic laziness. How about an explainer of what the crisis actually constitutes? Possible arrests? Riots? Regime change? Marxism 2.0? Democrats are enjoying the term equally, because it allows them the false impression they would do anything to resolve it, despite their impotence.

Even when reporters do examine the term, they explain little. MSNBC loves to fantasize about possible Republican repercussions, especially impeachment. They must have lost count in the Senate.

But let’s indulge Rachel Maddow for a second, to her heart’s content. Say the House opened an investigation that not only proved collusion, but that he murdered five people to boot. Arrest, conviction, the whole kaboodle. 

Problem is, American judicial convictions are allowed appeal, all the way up to the….wait for it…the Supreme Court. And given Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s frail health and Sandra Day O’Connor’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis, we could be looking at seven of the nine Supreme Court Justices leaning decidedly conservative. Do we really expect rulings against the GOP?

How about a couple simple follow up questions, comrades: “How do you define a Constitutional crisis, and what do you plan to do about it?” Just a  thought.

But there’s a brilliant silver lining: you. We saw it in the midterms, along with the Pouter-in-Chief’s panicked firing of Jeff Sessions the day after elections to quash the probe. Trump sees the corner nearing as the paint spreads. And given the tone of a very pissed House, expect investigations as regular as episodes of Celebrity Apprentice.

Forget Constitutional crisis. Let’s keep our eyes peeled for an existential one.

And now for the less crisis-y: Factslaps:

• More than 6,000 Swedish men have the first name “Love.”
• Oklahoma’s 2016 Teacher of the Year moved to Texas in 2017 for a higher salary.
• Netflix show ‘Black Mirror’ derives its name from the reflection you see in a switched off screen or monitor.
• Most people believe other people’s social lives are richer and more active than their own, according to a 2015 psychological study.
• In 1985, Neil Armstrong and Edmund Hillary went to the North Pole together.
• Finland is the only country in the developed world where fathers of primary school-age children spend more time with their children than mothers.
• Actor Martin Sheen has been arrested 66 times for protesting and other civil disobedience.